A Blythe Hullabaloo!

          If you’re new to the UERT blog, you don’t know that I grew up in the little desert farm town of Blythe. Long-time subscribers know that. They feel sorry for me.

          Although I love my hometown, people from Blythe (including me) have a reputation for being … unsmart. This is a true story: early in my high school years, I cruised the streets for the first time. The driver, Mike, decided to go out into the country a bit. Mike drove over a very old, long-abandoned, railroad crossing. Joe looked out the window and said, “Hey, a train just went by!”
          I, being quite naive, asked, “How can you tell?”
          Joe said, “ I see its tracks.”

* * * * *

           Kevin Oxley, the lead protagonist of my forthcoming novel, WILD BLUE: Saving the World with Duct Tape and WD-40, showed up in our trailer park this morning with his newest bumper sticker on his van:

If Social Security is Running Out of Money, Why Aren’t
Those Huge Congressional Pensions Running Out of Money?

* * * * *

“Good morning, Unk!”

          Oops, excuse me. We apparently having breaking news from our transportation editor, Edseldirt Bumperlink. Good morning Mr. Bumperlink. Where are you right now?

“I am reporting live from Detroit where General Motors has just announced that they will not be building the Cadillac any longer.”

          Why is that?

“Because it’s long enough now.”

* * * * *

You may actually be from Blythe if…

            …your family reunion is held at the prison.

* * * * *

“Please excuse this interruption, but I have urgent news!”

    Well … okay, Trever. We now interrupt this UERT with a breaking story from roving political reporter, Trever Nump.

“Thank you. I’m in Sydney, Australia, where President Trump will expand his tweet communications regarding the need for a border security wall. Mr. Trump is here to launch a Local Area Network.”

Really? How interesting.

“The network will be known as the LAN down under.”

* * * * *

“Reasonable people can disagree reasonably and, perhaps, work out their differences. Unreasonable people scream obscenities and call other people horrible names. The reason unreasonable people scream obscenities and call other people horrible names is because unreasonable people have neither facts nor truth to defend their unreasonableness.”

—Dr. Francis Noah Weksler

* * * * *

    You probably don’t realize this. On the human organ market, Blythe brains are the most expensive. Because they’ve never been used.

* * * * *

The Deadline is Midnight, Tuesday, January 15, 2019!

    My rock ‘n’ roll radio buddy, the legendary fifth Beatle, Dave Hull, has written his awesome, entertaining, autobiography and he gave me an autographed copy to give away to a UERT reader. That could be you!

    The Contest Rules:

  • Write your own, original, Kevin Oxley bumper sticker — or a “You may actually be from Blythe if…” — or something from reporter Trever Nump — or from transportation editor Edseldirt Bumperlink — or just a Blythe short funny tale.
  • Email me what you write using this address: Uncle.Earl@EarlTrout.com
  • Give me permission to publish it.
  • Do not email me anyone’s copyrighted material.
  • I must receive your emailed submission no later than midnight, Tuesday, January 15.
  • The writer of my favorite submission will win the autographed copy of Hullabaloo!
  • Do not email me a bunny rabbit even if it has a short funny tail.

* * * * *

A cautionary note from Dave: “Tell your winner (s)he may get a hernia lifting the book off the table…it weighs nearly 10-pounds!”

* * * * *
Finis

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