As The Crow Files — (A Fable)

Once upon a crime in an old Galaxie far, far away, possibly in Nebraska, or maybe in one of those states that start with an I, there lived a conclave of small, peaceful, birds and animals who had all gotten along with each other just fine for at least a hundred years. Many of them attended UCLA (University for Critters and Little Animals) and lived in the dorm rooms located in that old Galaxie (a 1959 Ford).

It wasn’t Animal Farm but, Animal Farm was not far away.

Everyone lived, worked, and worshipped in peace and harmony, respecting each other’s rights and following the laws of the country. Everybody knew that nobody had the right to disobey any law. So, if someone did not like a particular law, he or she would bring it up as a topic for community conversation. Then all the small birds and animals got together to discuss it with Civility. That would be the sheriff, Mr. Bubba Civility.

Sheriff Civility (a small, wise, and brave hare) confirmed what everyone already knew: “In order to change or cancel a law, we must follow the process detailed in our constitution. No individual and certainly, no ruler, may ignore a law merely because he or she doesn’t like it. Thank God we live in a country where we, the common birds and animals, make the laws.” And all was well.

Alas … a great evil fell upon the peace-loving birds and animals. Outsiders, hate-filled crows from somewhere else, began swooping in with great stealth to kill, maim, and destroy. In the entire history of the village, nobody but those wicked crows had ever done such evil. And the crows bragged about it.

Sheriff Bubba organized his deputies to find the malevolent crows and bring them to justice. However, the big birds and animals in the big chairs in the big Capitol made this decision for the small birds and animals in the little village: Investigating crows in order to determine which ones are hating, killing and destroying, is not appropriate for an enlightened country. For that would be crowfiling.

Sheriff Bubba and all his deputies were ordered to spend equal time investigating all birds and animals, not just the ones doing evil. Even grandmotherly critters who could barely hobble had to be investigated. That depleted the Sheriff department’s budget, so absolutely no deputy patrol birds were allowed to fly. Villagers then referred to those deputies as The Flying None.

One night, a large fox snuck across the border with orders to eat the sheriff. Because Sheriff Bubba would need all of his creativity to solve the crowfiling issue, he fought ferociously and overpowered the fox. For Bubba knew that if he was swallowed, he could no longer think outside the fox.

Times were so sad, Grey Goose and Wild Turkey began drinking.

Some big cities declared themselves as safe havens for unlawful crows and foxes. And the big birds and animals in the big Capitol supported the illegal actions of those haven cities. For they were arrogant.

Then … the big birds and animals in the big chairs in the big Capitol were voted out of office.

To this day, they still don’t understand why.

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     “Laws made by common consent must not be trampled on by individuals.” 

—– George Washington

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     Kevin Oxley, the main character in my novel Wild Blue, created another one of his homemade bumper stickers. He has kindly allowed me to reproduce it below.

This is Comprehensive Immigration Reform:

Enforce Existing Laws.

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