Best Football Line Ever! v.1.2

NOTE: Much of this post is a repeat, with some new critical facts added.

            BUT FIRST…“Ask Uncle Earl” is a UERT sometimes-semi-regular-once-in-a-blue-baboon feature. Haven’t done it for a while, so let’s get caught up on some seasonal emails I’ve received and pay homage to the holidays, including Thanksgiving and Christmas, those Godly holidays which ungodly governors want to cancel:

A Halloween Question

Dear Uncle Earl… what do you call a deaf monster?

Unk: Whatever you like. He can’t hear you.

A Thanksgiving Question

Dear Uncle Earl… What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Unk: Pumpkin pi.

A Christmas Question

Dear Uncle Earl… What is an atheist’s favorite Christmas movie?

Unk: “Coincidence on 34th Street.”

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            The Kansas City Chiefs are my favorite NFL team. Quarterback Patrick Mahomes is a certified miracle worker. The line is excellent and the entire team is just plain fun to watch. I haven’t enjoyed an NFL team this much since quarterback John Elway and the Denver Broncos won two Super Bowls back-to-back in 1997 and 1998. Mr. Elway retired shortly after that because he had been playing for sixteen years and, understandably, he was really slowing down. Please remember this. It is important. (I’ll explain later.)

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            My next random thought today is … why does our media think they have the right to “call the election” and refer to Mr. Biden as President-Elect? Nobody is ever a President-Elect until all legal votes are counted, challenges to state election results are settled, each state submits its certified results, and the Electoral College votes in mid-December.

            AND… why does our media think they have the right to report there is no election fraud? Actually the liberal left media has modified their fake news views during the last fortnight. They started out saying “There is absolutely no indication of election fraud.”

            Then they changed the narrative to “There are only very minor incidences of election fraud.”

            Now they are saying, “There is not enough election fraud to significantly change any vote count.” To me, this sounds like a herd of snakes retreating.

            It doesn’t take any great amount of brain goo to recognize that the following happenings may be an indication of foul play . . .

  • Out-of-state trucks delivering ballots to polls
  • Magic ballots appearing overnight after polls close
  • People fraudulently voting under another person’s name
  • A state illegally changing the rules and deadlines for voting
  • Republican poll workers not allowed to monitor vote counting
  • Hundreds of counties with more registered voters than residents
  • People arrested for allegedly “harvesting” ballots of the homeless
  • A state illegally setting up different rules for different classes of voters
  • Thousands of dead people not only registering to vote, but actually voting
  • A postmaster predating mail-in ballots which arrive after the voting deadline
  • Digital voting machines allegedly, surreptitiously, and illegally changing millions of votes
  • Thousands of ballots mysteriously showing up that have only one name on them: Biden. No other candidates listed. Poll workers see nothing wrong with accepting and counting those “votes”
  • Republican poll workers told to go home because vote counting has stopped for the night. Democrat poll workers then spend the rest of the night counting votes all by themselves. Miraculously, Mr. Trump’s lead disappears overnight.

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            Now, let’s suppose all of the above is merely anecdotal and/or lies, which is always possible. If that is the case, then our current election results are legal and correct and… nothing changes. So why do Dems and fake news folks have a problem with a recount? Why would anybody—from any party—not want to be certain there is no voter fraud? Wouldn’t an unquestionably honest election help restore unity in our country?

            The same Democrat Party and liberal media that insisted it was Al Gore’s legal and constitutional right to have a vote recount in 2000 now tells Americans Mr. Trump does not have that same right. (The law and Constitution, by the way, are clear: Mr. Trump does have the right to a recount.)

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            The Democrat party is now urging Democrats from all over the country to move to Georgia and register to vote in the up-coming Senate run-off election . . . and then move back to their real homes. Why does that not strike the radical liberal left as election fraud? (Oh! I think I finally figured it out… nothing can possibly be counted as fraudulent if it is done for socialists to gain power.)

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            Just in case you’re new to UERT, when radical left liberals read facts in my blog posts, they get mad, send me nasty hate-filled emails, and call me ugly epithets. That hurts because, although I may be ugly, I am not an epithet. I’m a presbyterian.

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            Speaking of football  . . .  If the Chiefs had won the Super Bowl by cheating  . . .  I would merely despise them forever.

            But when radical left liberals learn a liberal candidate has cheated or lied, they continue to support such crooked politicians. Just to make my feelings absolutely clear if a conservative cheats I will NEVER vote for him or her again. If the Republican Party commits voter fraud, I will be first in line to condemn and demand perps be sent to prison. But, in my observation, liberals just keep loving lying leaders. What’s up with that?

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            How is it that the Hypocrite Party… oops, please excuse me, I misspelled that. How is it that the Democrat Party can say (with a straight face) they want unity in our country… right after they spend three years and more than $30 Million of our tax dollars inflicting a divisive phony impeachment on all Americans? (An absolute mockery of justice for which hypocrites-in-chief have not apologized.) Unity? With us deplorables? Seriously? Why would you deserve that?

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            I can think until my brain hurts (for me it doesn’t take long) but I cannot imagine any legitimate reason why anybody would object to a vote recount. I assume all normal American citizens want to be certain our elections are honest and fair. What am I missing here? In the real world, the only people who don’t want to be certain an election is fair and honest are the people who cheat.

            On the other hand, Democrats, please consider the very positive position you are in right now. If a fair and honest recount shows Mr. Biden to be the winner, then I and the majority of Americans will support our new President. And, if a fair and honest recount shows Mr. Biden lost, then you will have another excuse to riot, burn, and loot. It’s a win-win!

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            Speaking of football… on June 17, 1994, as O.J. Simpson drove very slowly up the Los Angeles 405 freeway in his white Ford Bronco surrounded by a convoy of police vehicles, I heard a radio reporter say, “If they make a movie of this, John Elway will play the part of the slow moving white Bronco.”

            Definitely the best football line ever!

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A GREAT CHRISTMAS PRESENT

            Hey, this is the perfect Christmas present for all 74 million of your conservative friends, relatives and complete strangers. Please buy Wild Blue: Saving the World with Duct Tape and WD-40. In my totally unbiased opinion (yeah, right) this is the funniest conservative novel ever. A click on the book cover (below) takes you to Amazon where they will happily take your money in exchange for a copy of my book. Please hurry before I go broke.

Book cover for Earl Trout’s novel “Wild Blue”

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finis

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