Blythe Spirits

Let’s see now… In the world of animation (where I wrote television scripts for a couple of years) … if an eight-tentacled amateur actor finally got paid to be in a cartoon, and he played the part of a blackbird, that would be: squid pro crow.

And The Hollywood Reporter headline would be: Squid Inks Contract.

Then, to celebrate … Squid would learn how to disassemble a crowbar. It’s easy, actually. You just go out with the crows to their bar, get drunk, and start a brawl.

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I’ve started writing the pilot script for a new animated superhero I created. Read this aloud in your best dramatic announcer voice:

“By day… a mild-mannered, ineffectual, door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman. By night… a mild-mannered, ineffectual, superhero. It’s Vacuum Man! He really sucks.”

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When I was a kid, our family lived in Blythe, California, a one-horse town. We all shared the horse.

My turn was two a.m. Saturday.

I usually gave my horse time share to Uncle Jethro so he wouldn’t be out driving after a big night on the village. But he still got an occasional RUI (riding under the influence). One night he even got the horse drunk. Blythe leadership made Jethro the Blythe poster image for MADR (Morons Against Drunk Riding).

            Blythe was so small, the town couldn’t afford a village idiot, so we all took turns. Uncle Jethro and I earned more turns than everybody else.

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These days there are many Bible translations available, including the NLT (New Living Translation), and the NIV (New International Version). Most newer translations are carefully and accurately put into modern English, and are just a bit more accurate than the original KJV (King James Version). Slightly more accurate because archeologists have found many additional ancient manuscripts which were not available to translators when King James first published his Bible in 1611.

But, be careful out there. Through omission, addition, and punctuation, some translations are purposely inaccurate. Sects, cults, and arrogant leaders do that to “prove” their own idiotology.

Matthew 6:9 is the beginning of “The Lord’s Prayer”, which—world-wide—is the best known and most often spoken verse in the Bible . . .

“Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be His name.”

It is remarkable how simply moving punctuation around or adding a few words, can profoundly affect a sacred document. Here’s Matthew 6:9 as quoted from the NBT (New Blythe Translation) . . .

“Our Father.”


“Art, in heaven. Hallowed is His name.”

“Our dad’s name is Arthur Hallowed? And he made it to heaven?”

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My wife works in Palm Springs and we are there quite often, shopping and looking for—

—“Excuse me for cutting in Unk, but I may have found the kind of place you’re looking for.”

Uhh… okay… we now interrupt this UERT blog posting with information from our roving transportation reporter, Edseldirt Bumperlink. Exactly where are you, Mr. Bumperlink?

“I am in Palm Springs and right now, I’m between Frank Sinatra and Bob Hope.

You’re in a graveyard?

“Don’t be droll, Unk. You know streets here are named after celebrities. I’m between Frank Sinatra Drive and Bob Hope Drive. And I’ve found a great little building with a good parking lot, in a classy Palm Springs neighborhood, right here on Frank Sinatra Drive!”

Well, that does sound good, Edseldirt. You know we want to create an upscale beer bar where all the brews are served in a big stein, and the background music is always Frank Sinatra.

“Yes, I know. And I even came up with a name for your place.”

And what would that be?

“Frank ‘n’ Stein.”

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Hillary Rodham-Clinton and Helen Reddy both inspire me. In the 1970s Helen Reddy wrote and recorded a great song titled, I Am Woman Hear Me Roar. It became the de facto feminist anthem.

Just a couple of weeks ago, Hillary referred to her election being stolen. Previously, she said she lost because she’s a woman. And after that, she said she lost because half the women in America only vote the way their husbands dictate.

She also blamed Bernie Sanders, saying, “His attacks caused lasting damage.” Then she blamed what she called “low-information voters” (who, apparently, didn’t know she was the perfect candidate). And then she said, “…but for [James Comey’s] intervention, I would have won.”

Well, as I mentioned, Hillary inspires me. I just wrote a song for her. It’s called … I Am Woman Hear Me Whine.

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          I get subscriber emails from all over the United States and even from uncivilized foreign places. Like Blythe. And Washington, D. C. For those of you not familiar with how our government works, D. C. stands for Deranged Cesspool.

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