Happy Valentime!

I decided to try my hand at writing Haiku. Hope you enjoy my first attempt:

Nobody Scoring

Gladys Knight anthem awesome

Super Bowl isn’t

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This coming Monday is Presidents Day, honoring Lincoln and Washington, following guidelines of the federal “Uniform Monday Holiday Act”. (Yes, there really is such a thing.) I liked it better when I was a kid in Blythe and we celebrated on the actual George Birthington Washday.

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I loved growing up in my small desert hometown of Blythe, even though it had a reputation for… shall we say… lacking sophistication. My wife and I went back to Blythe recently to do some work on the old family home front lawn. We found a local farm that sold sod. Their sod came with these instructions: Install green side up.


While we were there, I went to visit the Blythe Public Library. I am very sorry to report that the Library has closed permanently. Somebody stole the book.


You might actually be from Blythe (and not even know it) if…

                        … you think tomato paste is for repairing broken tomatoes.

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Happy Valentine’s Day to my wonderful wife whom I love and adore!   

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

By the way, Valentine’s Day, is a rather strange name for a holiday celebrating romance, because it is named after Valentine, a celibate priest. This is a true thing. Wouldn’t that be kinda like putting former Ku Klux Klan leader and Democrat Senator Robert Byrd in charge of Martin Luther King Day celebrations? Or reprising the old television game show, To Tell The Truth, with Hillary Clinton as host?

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Esteemed travel reporter, Edseldirt Bumperlink, wrote this poem for President Lincoln’s birthday:

Honest Abe could travel only by horse

Whether his trip went near or far

Even though he was a Lincoln of course

There was no such thing as a car

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Now I’m inspired to write more about Abraham Lincoln, one of my super heroes. Like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (another super hero) Mr. Lincoln changed our country for the better, at great personal peril. Disgustingly, most U.S. public-school history textbooks allot only a couple of sentences to Abraham Lincoln. Not a surprise. Honest Abe was a Republican, liberals generally run our education industry, and textbook publishers follow the money.

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By 1860, slavery had been eliminated in most of the Western world, being still legal only in Cuba, Brazil, and Southern U.S. states. A hundred years later, Southern Democrats were still fighting against equal rights for black citizens.

If the above makes you angry, please figure out where your anger should be directed. I’m just a teller of truth.

This is a true story: Freed black slaves referred to their President as “Father Abraham”. Upon meeting Mr. Lincoln, a former slave went to his knees in respect and gratitude. President Lincoln said to him…

“Don’t kneel to me, that is not right. You must kneel to God only, and thank Him for the liberty you will hereafter enjoy … as long as I live no one shall put a shackle on your limbs; and you shall have all the rights which God has given to every other free citizen of this republic.”

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Hey, I got a letter from President Lincoln. Okay, I’m lying. I created the “letter” (below) by cobbling together Lincoln quotes. It is remarkable how profound his thoughts still are, more than 150 years later. The actual words of Abraham Lincoln are in Bold Italic.

Dear Uncle Earl,

“Near eighty years ago we began by declaring that all men are created equal. We now practically read it all men are created equal, except Negroes. When it comes to this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense of loving liberty – to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken pure, and without the base alloy of hypocrisy.

“The Democrats of today hold the liberty of one man to be absolutely nothing when in conflict with another man’s right of property. Republicans, on the contrary, are for both the man and the dollar, but in cases of conflict, the man before the dollar.

“There is no reason in the world why the negro is not entitled to all the natural rights enumerated in the Declaration of Independence, the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong. Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.

“We are a great empire. We stand at once the wonder and admiration of the whole world, and we must enquire what it is that has given us so much prosperity, and we shall understand that to give up that one thing would be to give up all future prosperity. This cause is that every man can make himself. That some achieve great success is proof to all that others can achieve it as well. You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your father was.

“Let us at all times remember that all American citizens are brothers of a common country, and should dwell together in bonds of fraternal feeling. America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.

 “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.

“Whatever you are, be a good one. Resolve to be honest at all events; and if, in your own judgement, you cannot be an honest lawyer, resolve to be honest without being a lawyer. Choose some other occupation.”



P.S. — Are the Democrats still mad at me for taking away their slaves?

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