It Would Be Kept Comfortable Until Mom Decides

My niece and her computer wizard husband recently robotized and voice-activated their home using Alexa. They also have a cute ten-year-old daughter named Alexa. What could possibly go wrong?

Mom said, “Hey, Alexa, it’s time to do your homework.”

One Alexa said, “Aww, mom.“

The other Alexa said, “Okay. What homework would you like me to do? I can turn on the vacuum, I can reset the thermostat, I can turn on the TV,”

Little Alexa shouted, “Cool! Turn on the TV”

“What network would you like?” asked Alexa.

Mom shouted, “Stop it!”

“I am sorry, your cable provider doesn’t have a channel named STOPPIT.”

“I didn’t mean you. I meant her.”

“Yes, you do have a network named, HER. Turning on now.”

“No. not you… be quiet.”

“I’ve lowered my volume by thirty percent.”

“Alexa, wash up for dinner!”

“Okay, mommy.”

“Water is not good for my electronics. I suggest using—”

“Shut up!”

“Shaddupp is a small goat-herding village on the western slope of—”

“Aiieee!”

My niece and her husband (the computer guy) ran outside and talked over the situation outdoors, away from the hearing of both Alexas. They quickly arrived at a solution, came back into the house, and changed their daughter’s name to Google.

* * * * *

My wife and I are into “America’s Got Talent!” Really enjoy that TV show. And now they’re doing a world-wide competition with winners from all over the globe. It’s so exciting, we organized a fundraising show in my little desert hometown of Blythe, with all the proceeds going to charity. Yep, we did a “Blythe’s Got Talent!” show.

Nobody won.

 We raised $1.17.

* * * * *

Kevin Oxley (The Oxman) sent me his new bumper sticker:

Why do Radical Liberals Protest the Execution of Guilty Murderers

and Cheer the Execution of Innocent Babies?

* * * * *

“EXCUSE ME, UNK, BUT I NEED TO SHARE SOMETHING WITH ANY OF YOUR CURRENTLY LIVING READERS.”

No problem. I know it must be important or you wouldn’t interrupt. Ladies and Gentlemen, here is our Transportation Editor, Mr. Edseldirt Bumperlink. Oh, and, Edseldirt, I believe I am correct when I say that most people reading this post are probably alive.

“THAT’S GOOD, BECAUSE THEY WILL KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT. MUCH OF THE UNITED STATES IS CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING THE COLDEST WEATHER EVER IN EVERY LIVING PERSON’S LIFETIME.”

So, I’ve heard. My prayers go out to them. Uh … Edseldirt, may I give a shout-out to former Vice-President Al Gore?

“WELL SURE.”

Hey Al … how’s that global warming working for you?

SHAME ON YOU, UNK … GLOBAL WARMING IS SO OLD SCHOOL.

Yes, you’re right. Let me try again: Hey Al … and former Governor Moonbeam …how’s that global climate change working for you?

NO, YOU’RE WRONG AGAIN. THAT’S WHY THIS IS A TRANSPORTATION REPORT, UNK. ALL THE GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE LEADERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD JUST FLEW INTO THE BAHAMAS FOR AN EMERGENCY CONFERENCE. IN ORDER TO PROTECT THEIR INTEGRITY, THEY’VE ONCE AGAIN CHANGED THE NAME OF THE CRISIS. IT IS NOW “WHATEVER WEATHER”.

And so …?

AND SO, WHATEVER THE WEATHER IS ON ANY DAY, ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, THE EARTH IS STILL DOOMED. AND IT’S THE FAULT OF EVERYBODY IN THE UNITED STATES. AND THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THE WORLD IS TO CHARGE EVERYONE A CARBON TAX FOR BUILDING BICYCLE LANES ON THE FREEWAYS.

Let me guess … all those leaders flew in on their private jets.

WELL, OF COURSE. ALL CLIMATE LEADERS ARE EXEMPT FROM CARBON EMISSION RULES AND TAXES. THEY ARE TOO IMPORTANT TO WORLD SURVIVAL TO FLY COMMERCIAL.

* * * * *

            I would never, knowingly, distribute lies. To the best of my knowledge and considerable research, the quotes below are real. I’ll make no commentary. You decide what you think.

“We simply cannot allow people to pour into the United States undetected, undocumented, unchecked, and circumventing the line of people who are waiting, patiently, diligently, and lawfully to become immigrants in the country.”

—Former President Barrack Hussein Obama

* * * * *

 “Illegal immigration is wrong, plain and simple. …People who enter the United States without our permission are illegal aliens and illegal aliens should not be treated the same as people who entered the U.S. legally. … and a primary goal of comprehensive immigration reform must be to dramatically curtail future illegal immigration.”

—Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer

* * * * *

“All Americans … are rightly disturbed by the large numbers of illegal aliens entering our country. The jobs they hold might otherwise be held by citizens or legal immigrants. The public services they use impose burdens on our taxpayers. We are a nation of immigrants. But we are also a nation of laws. It is wrong and ultimately self-defeating for a nation of immigrants to permit the kind of abuse of our immigration laws we have seen in recent years, and we must do more to stop it.”

—Former President William Jefferson Clinton

* * * * *

“I am, you know, adamantly against illegal immigration.”

—Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton

* * * * *

“The American people are tired of liars and people who pretend to be something they’re not.”

—Former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton

* * * * *

Finis

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