Signs of the Times

            “Okay, here’s the script, Mr. Biden. It will be on the teleprompter, so you don’t have to memorize it, which I know is difficult for you these days. But it would be a very good idea for us to read it through a couple of times just so you can get comfortable with your scripted adlibs.”

            “Come on, man. I can memorize stuff. By the way, do I know you?”

            “Yes sir, you do. I’m Martha. I’ve been your personal secretary for eighteen years.”

            “Well then, I know you very well, Martin. So let’s give this telephone thing a try.”

            “Yes, of course, sir. But it’s a teleprompter.”

            “Come on, man. I know that. So who’s going to ask this question at the pretend live townhall meeting?

            “That will be Tony, one of your son’s business associates.”

            “Tony, huh? Do I know her?”

            “Oh, yes sir, but it’s he and we don’t want anyone to know you’ve actually met Tony before. It’s kind of a touchy subject.”

            “Touchy? I like touchy.”

            “Yes, sir. I know. Let’s get back to the teleprompter thing.”

            “Oh, I know about thing. We hold these truths to be evident … and all men and women created by the… go… you know… you know… the thing.”

            “Yes sir. I know the thing.”

            “No you don’t. you’re a lying dog-face pony soldier.”

            “Let’s just practice your ad-lib, sir. I’ll play the part of Tony and ask you the question.”

            “Okay Mark, go for it man.”

            “It’s Martha.”

            “C’mon Marty.”

            “Yes sir… Here’s what will be your first surprise question: Why did you and your boss not fix racial problems when you and Mr. Obama, a black President, were in charge of everything for eight years?”

            “Well, first of all, you’re not black so you’re not voting for me because if you don’t vote for me you’re not black. And that whole racial thing was debunked long ago. Race didn’t exist when we were in charge. And I’ll lead an effective strategy to mobilize trunalemun umaperzure isolated punish China.” And you may quote me.”

            “Okay. Here we go. Mr. Biden… the second surprise question: A lot of people are wondering how you can honestly say you’ve never talked with your son about any of his business deals. Not even when he flew with you to China on Air Force Two and came back with a $1.5 Billion deal? How do you explain that, sir?”

            “Come on, man, that’s all been debunked. Everybody knows I have never ever talked to my son.”

            “You’ve never talked to Hunter?”

            “He’s not a hunter. He’s a consultant.”

            “Mr. Vice President, sir, please just read the teleprompter adlib.”

            “Why would I read the telegram? That doesn’t make any sense. And you should pay attention because I’m not the Vice President, I’m the caucus and I’m running for the Senate against George Bush. And I love kids jumping on my lap!”

            “Yes, I do know that, sir.”

            “Well, hey Tony, can I smell your hair?

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–finis– (I hope not)

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