Unscientifically

   Well, our family finally came up with a name for our former snowman. We call him “water”.

* * * * *

    I started to think (rare, indeed) about all the emails I get. This post features a smattering of reader comments received in 2018. We can’t publish all emails, due to time and space. (It’s an Einstein thing.)

    More women than men sent emails, but I received the most emails from men named either Mark or Gary. (Many different Marks and Garys.) One of the Garys happens to be my favorite singer from my days as a rock ‘n’ roll radio DJ. How cool is that?

* * * * *

Based, unscientifically, on the number of emails received, the top ten most popular UERT posts of 2018 were … counting down to #1…

10 – REALLY RANDOM

    A reader named Michael said: “Thanks for the laugh this morning…and yes, my answers were the same for both questions.”

===============

    Louisiana Mark asked: “Was pickleball created by cucumber farmers?”

===============

    Alan’s one-word email was simply: “Oy.”

My response: I don’t understand. Are you referring to half a yo-yo? Spelled backwards?

* * * * *

9 – WEDDING CRUISE

    George L. sent this email: “By the way, how did you get the monkey off your head?”

My response: I didn’t. It’s still there. I don’t need to wear a hat this winter.

* * * * *

8 – ASYLUM

    Janet wrote: “With documents in hand, my family left Brazil and landed in Miami. Even before unpacking our suitcases, my father made a strict rule: ‘We’re here to adjust to the American way. We will learn to speak English and learn to speak it well’. We all did. One more rule: ‘We cannot speak Spanish in front of someone who doesn’t understand it.’ Decades later, that rule still stands for our family.”

My response: We all welcome you and your entire family as legal, unhyphenated immigrants.

* * * * *

7 – ALOHA

    Desert Don’s email: “Just got back from Waimea Canyon yesterday. You were truly crazy trying to hike it but, kudos for your adventurous spirit.”

===============

    Kona Jack’s email: “A few months ago we were considering buying a house in the Mountain View area [on the Big Island]. Thank God it was only a passing thought. It’s just down the hill from the volcano. So, we bought in California .

My response: “He maikaʻi ke Akua. Nā manawa a pau”. (“God is good. All the time.”)

* * * * *

6 – OUTER PIE

    Comment from Jacques: “I had the same problems with my TV company for years and, yes, in Holland we have to deal with foreigners who don’t speak proper Dutch at service or call centers.”

===============

    “Nephew” Jeffry said: “Uncle Earl you need to send this to major national & local media……ASAP !!!!! Do this Earl, and your “retirement” will be very short lived!”

My response: But, I like being retired. Except for that part where you have lots of time and no money.

* * * * *

5 – FIELDS OF DREAMS

    Maine Mark wrote us about Elizabeth Warren (the Senator who lied about being Cherokee): “Warren is better known in these parts as Fauxcahontas. In a normal state (read, NOT Massachusetts) she would have stood a 0% chance. But the Pilgrims wouldn’t even be allowed in Massachusetts in this Year of our Lord, 2018. That state is over the edge and teetering on moron-hood.”

* * * * *

4 – CALIFORNIA DEMON

    Gil wrote: “Some eye-opening stats uncle Earl. I hope they reach all the right eyes, and left ones.”

 ===============

    Marilynne’s email: “I live in California and am glad I’m old. If I were a young married woman in this state, I’d elect to remain childless.”

 ===============

    Several people, including Florida Betty loved the lyrics for “Bus Drivers in L.A.”.

 ===============

    Nevada Ron said: “I have a country singer friend who might record it for you. Yippee Ki Yay!”

 ===============

    Email from Connecticut Gary: “California is still my favorite state, except for the way it has been ruined politically. To me, what the Democratic Socialists have done is the equivalent of throwing mud on the Mona Lisa.”

 ===============

    Pennsylvania Lori said: “I think you should run for President after Trump is done draining the swamp.”

My response: Thanks. I’d ask you to be my vice-president but, I’d need a former South American dictator as a running mate so I could be sure of getting the radical liberal vote.

* * * * *

3 – ROAD TRIPS

    Louisiana Mark again: “A Washington, D.C. special at Kentucky Fried Chicken is the Hillary Bucket. All left wings and Little plump thighs. Budumbum tish (symbol crash). I’ll be here all week. Please tip your waiters. Minimum wage is only $15 an hour.”

===============

    Dick’s brief email: “Hi Uncle. I especially liked your takes on Texas. My brother Jeff lives in Odessa … for his sins.”

* * * * *

2 – A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE NFL

    Justin wrote: “My dad traded up for years to get front row season tix and I just couldn’t let ‘em go for fear I’d never get a chance to have seats like this if I didn’t renew. This is the first year I’ve had trouble selling them. The masses are definitely disgusted with the league.”

===============

    From a Mark: “Oh, man, what a lesson. Thank you Earl… and a great decision, by the way, to watch college football. This comes from a lifelong fan of a team that’s won a number of Super Bowls, and I don’t care anymore.”

===============

    Loel’s email said: “I am not watching these honored athletes who are paid tons of money to dishonor this country. We have enough real problems without this sassiness. What a bunch of slime balls.”

===============

    And North Carolina Les wrote: “It’s a great history lesson. As for me, I will follow the New England Patriots, who do not kneel because Bill Belichick believes it’s football they are playing.”

* * * * *

Hey, we had a two-way tie for first place…

1 – RACIST AMERICA

    Cali Connie emailed: “Wish everyone thought that way… keep up the great work.”

===============

    Bruce wrote: “I am sure you will be pelted by the Kool-Aid-drinking believers for having such ‘radical’ thoughts but, it’s an excellent message for the country. Your Neanderthal American friend, Bruce.”

===============

    One of the Garys said: “You’re a genius.”

===============

    One of the Garys said: “You’re an idiot.”

* * * * *

1 – PRAY!

Canadian Jim wrote: “Do you really think any elected official really wants unlimited illegal immigration or completely open borders?

My response: In alphabetical order… California, Connecticut, Illinois, Massachusetts, New York, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington are all “sanctuary” states that allow anyone in with no concern for legal status, background, or criminal activity, and with no reporting of same to Federal authorities. All of these states are “blue” states run by the Democrat party. This should answer your question, Jim. Unless Canada is from a different planet.

===============

Beverly Hills Bob: Why shouldn’t every individual be treated with equal respect? How is it any different if someone from Phoenix or Tijuana wants to visit Los Angeles?

My response: I, and every U.S. citizen I know, treats everyone with equal respect until they lie, cheat, steal, hurt people, or otherwise break the law. Such people then—deservedly—lose our respect. I, and every U.S. citizen I know, has no problem at all with anyone from Mexico visiting Los Angeles. So long as they do it legally. By the way, Bob … when fomenting about unfair treatment of immigrants, why is it radical liberals always seem to forget to use the word “illegal”?

===============

P.S. — It occurs to me that losing respect for lying, cheating, stealing, hurting people, and breaking the law may explain why the approval rating for congress hovers at about 15%.

* * * * *

    Well, that’s it for now. My heartfelt thanks to everyone who sent me an email last year. Except for the Oregon nasty woman. She sent me an emailing saying I was “unsmart”.

* * * * *

Finis

Please follow and like us: